I’m 7 years old today.

Technically not, of course, but my life started over 7 years ago today.

It started with learning to breathe on my own, then rolling over. Then sitting up; crawling; motorized wheelchair; sitting unassisted; standing; walking with 3 people helping me, then one. Then a walker. Then a cane. Then nothing.

Nothing.

I’ve come so far.

Heather – Heather always remembers today. She has no idea what it means to me. I can’t explain.

Today I handcycled with some of the Achilles crew. They didn’t know what it meant to me to be able to propel myself forward so easily on my own, on the day, 7 years past that horrible night. Well, it meant the world. Thank you.

Then Adam took me for tacos. It was so much fun, to be relaxed and having a blast with the best person I’ve ever known.

I’m not sad this year like I have been on this day for the past 6 years. I’m not scared. I got back up.

I’m going to train so I can race next year. I’m going to walk again this or next year (I’m using a wheelchair right now – more on that later).
I’ll get back in the pool and I won’t be scared of having another stroke when the water closes over my head.

My fears don’t control me anymore.

I still remember that stroke.
The feeling of drowning.
Nightmarish for coma dreams.
Ataxia.
Growing up again, not knowing so much.
Memory loss.
Broken but healing.

Yeah, I’m not scared anymore. I’m still making it through each day, but I’m making it.

I posted this song on Facebook on the first anniversary of my stroke – and it rings true now more than ever.

Give this another listen.

Blue October: Fear