Category: The Fourth Year

• Thank you

  

  The last time I did it to myself, I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was done, but I knew it was coming, and that whatever it was, it was about to happen. Adam noticed it while it was healing, showed me the below image, then ordered and surprised me with a set of non-toxic, skin-safe markers. Now I draw on myself…

  ellie

  September 4, 2018

  Random Posts, The Fourth Year, Tips, Updates

  #DespiteDisability, #LifeIsBeautiful, #NeverGiveUp, ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, aphasia, asphyxiation, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, brain injury, brainstem stroke, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, DBS, deep brain stimulation, depression, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hardship, hemiparesis, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, left hemisphere ischemia, life is beautiful, major depressive disorder, MDD, Medtronic DBS, neuropsychiatry, perspective, Recovery, social issue, stigma, stroke, stroke recovery, The Stroke Story, trauma, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• Harvey

  Last night I remembered how scared, how alone I’d been during hurricane Harvey. Yeah, I’d busied myself with packing donations. That was before I’d realized I couldn’t get out of the apartment building, or that the atmospheric pressure changes had impacted me as they had. I’m embarrassed to have been so affected when others lived […]

  ellie

  August 12, 2018

  The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story

  #LifeIsBeautiful, ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, asphyxiation, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, bradycardia, bradycardic, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiac arrest, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, depression, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, H-Town, handicap, hardship, hemiparesis, Houston, hurricane, hurricane Harvey, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, life is beautiful, major depressive disorder, MDD, neuropsychiatry, perspective, Recovery, seizure, seizures, stroke, stroke recovery, The Stroke Story, trauma, Tremor, tremor disorder, West University Place

• Journal entry #7

  Have you ever been sitting around, doing whatever, and then suddenly and out of nowhere you feel… different, somehow? Sort of like you’ve been locked in your body for several years and you’ve just woken up, even though you’ve been conscious all those years, you’re suddenly… aware. Alive, again. This might seem odd but something […]

  ellie

  May 14, 2018

  The Fourth Year

  ABI, ACA, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, asphyxiation, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, bradycardia, bradycardic, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, cerebral palsy, deep brain stimulation, depression, diagnosis, disability, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hemiparesis, hemiplegia, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, major depressive disorder, MDD, neuropsychiatry, perspective, Recovery, seizure, seizures, social issue, stigma, stroke, stroke recovery, TBI, The Stroke Story, trauma, Tremor, tremor disorder, visual field cut, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• Journal entry #6 – neuropathy

  Three hours to go before my alarm will shout encouragement at me. I’m exhausted. No matter how exhausted I am, I have to stick with my morning workouts. Hemiparesis and spasticity don’t wait for me to be prepared. They show up, uninvited and unannounced, rudely staying until they decide to leave on a whim. Tiny […]

  ellie

  April 23, 2018

  ataxia, Ramblings, Random Posts, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story, Writing

  ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, ataxia, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, depression, diagnosis, disability, hemiparesis, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, ischemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, pneumonia

• It’s [already] been a long day… But it’ll get better. :)

  I don’t know what triggers me anymore. What’s wrong? Oh, nothing, really. I’m just anxious. Depressed. Broken. Angry. Tired. Bored. Busy. Aphasiac. Worthless. A burden. A hindrance. Frustrated. ‘Lazy’. Working my ass off to simply go check the mail. Tired. Useless. Stressed. Worried. Frustrated. (Yes, let’s list that one again.) I’m in everyone’s way, all […]

  ellie

  March 21, 2018

  Ramblings, Random Posts, The Fourth Year, Updates

  ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar II disorder, brain injury, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, depression, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hemiparesis, hemiplegia, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, left hemisphere ischemia, major depressive disorder, MDD, perspective, Recovery, stigma, stroke, stroke recovery, The Stroke Story, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• Misremembering is better than forgetting

  Remembering Grace, again. And again. This year, I thought it would be 9 years within the hour. Nope. It’ll be 9 years in 48 hours and 38 minutes. Memory difficulties suck. She’d be 8 this July. There’s too much to write. I’ll sleep on it. Thinking of you, Gracie. Always am. ❤

  ellie

  February 11, 2018

  In Memory, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story, Updates

  ABI, ACA, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, asphyxiation, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiac arrest, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, D&C, depression, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hardship, hemiplegia, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, left hemisphere ischemia, major depressive disorder, MDD, miscarriage, neuropsychiatry, operation, perspective, pregnancy, rape, Recovery, sexual abuse, stigma, stroke, stroke recovery, surgery, TBI, The Stroke Story, trauma, tremor disorder, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• New batteries make my brain go ’round

  I squealed after setting my cell phone on the kitchen counter and excitedly bounced on my toes – while holding onto the counter, of course – for a moment, then turned to place my medicine bottles back in the cupboard above my head. It must seen strange, my looking forward to another surgery. Let me […]

  ellie

  January 26, 2018

  ataxia, Ramblings, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story, Uncategorized, Updates

  ABI, ACA, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, ataxia, awake brain surgery, bradycardia, bradycardic, brain injury, brain stem tremor, brain surgery, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, DBS, deep brain stimulation, disability, Dr. Albert Fenoy, Dr. Mya Scheiss, handicap, hemiparesis, Houston Medical Center, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, Medtronic DBS, Memorial Hermann, Memorial Hermann Hospital, Mischer Neuroscience Institute, operation, Recovery, stroke, stroke recovery, surgery, The Stroke Story, Tremor, tremor disorder, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• I was able to play what???

  

  Browsing YouTube earlier, as people do the day after Christmas (I guess?), I stumbled across the very last piece I learned to play as a performance major. I don’t know how I can remember it, but I do. The sheet music is tucked away in the vocal sheetmusic book I’d taken to Carnegie Hall ten years ago. I […]

  ellie

  December 26, 2017

  Memories, Random Posts, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story

  ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, Asturias, Asturias (Leyenda), ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, bradycardia, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiomyopathy, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, classical guitar, disability, Francisco Tárrega, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hemiparesis, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, Isaac Albéniz, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, Juan Quesada, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, major depressive disorder, MDD, perspective, Recovery, Rosendo Reyna, stroke, stroke recovery, TBI, The Stroke Story, Tremor, tremor disorder, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• ‘Lucky #13’

  

  So, I just checked my email. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this! Thanks, Alex, for writing about your stroke; it was the first book I had read after mine. Feedspot Top 25

  ellie

  December 15, 2017

  Random Posts, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story, Updates

  ABI, acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, bradycardia, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cardiac arrest, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular event, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hardship, hemiparesis, hemiplegia, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, ischemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, perspective, Recovery, seizure, seizures, social issue, stigma, stroke, stroke recovery, TBI, The Stroke Story, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS

• Journal entry #3

  I’ve left the apartment three times in the last week and a half, maybe. Once to Jamie and Tim’s house to create characters for a new campaign *pushes glasses up nose*, and the other two times were probably something small; I don’t remember exactly what. My world currently consists of what’s contained inside of this 900 […]

  ellie

  December 13, 2017

  Ramblings, Random Posts, The Fourth Year, The Stroke Story

  acquired ataxia, acquired brain injury, acquired cerebellar ataxia, anomia, aphasia, ataxia, bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, brain injury, brain stem tremor, Brainstem, brainstem stroke, brainstem tremor, cerebellar ataxia, cerebellar ataxia brain stem, cerebellar stroke, Cerebellum, DBS, deep brain stimulation, depression, diagnosis, disability, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, handicap, hemiparesis, Intention tremor, ischaemic stroke, kinetic tremor, left hemisphere ischemia, major depressive disorder, MDD, neuropsychiatrist, neuropsychiatry, perspective, Recovery, social issue, stroke, stroke recovery, TBI, The Stroke Story, Tremor, tremor disorder, young adult stroke, Young stroke, young stroke survivor, YSS