Yesterday, after announcing to Adam that I would be devoting time and money into my appearance, we went to see Avatar. Now, I hadn’t been feeling well at all the entire day, so we went to the 2 AM showing. I’d begun to feel up to seeing it by then. So I decided that I wanted to wear makeup..felt weird. Whatever. Tomorrow, I’m picking up new shampoos, soaps, foundation, getting a mani and pedi, and fixing the mane of hair I currently have.
Or, that’s my intention, anyway. It likely won’t happen for at least another week or so.
Anyway, we got in at 6 AM. Avatar was incredible and I slept until 3 PM today.
And now, I’m going to gulp down a good 64oz of water. Yep.
The leather of the couch stuck to my legs as I shifted, pulled my feet beneath me and curling against the arm rest. I shivered slightly, sitting in the living room in my panties and t-shirt, my blanket having carelessly slipped away and down to the cold wooden floor. I stared aimlessly into the dark, only barely able to make out the shape of the large TV in front of me.
I fought the urge to leave the house. Adam, asleep in his bed, Athena curled up on his back. This house is home now, I reminded myself. But my thoughts kept slipping back to the night before, to how it had almost felt normal, sitting in CiCi’s with my parents, Derrick and Crystal. Andrea hadn’t been there, though, so it hadn’t felt quite right. Sometimes I miss the way things were, to the point where I get out of bed to get away from the nightmares and sit in the living room, thinking about car rides to Colorado and dinners in the living room around the TV.
I felt sick again. My skin hurt, I’d drenched my pillow in sweat, I hadn’t kept my food down and I was too tired to sleep well. Memories of car wrecks and arguments kept slipping into my head while I dozed, somewhere between awake and asleep.
I shook my head. I’ve lived on my own for nearly four years now. I’m twenty years old. Yes, things would be easier if I went back home, but I simply can’t do that. I don’t accept help unless I absolutely can’t do it on my own anymore. My parents taught me that, and it made me absolutely determined to keep from accepting help if there were other ways, other available options. I swiped at my face, rubbing the moisture into my t-shirt. My toes hit the floor and I felt my way through the library and kitchen to the back door. Standing on the small balcony, shivering, looking out at what parts of the city I could see from there; fighting the urge to slip into a pair of jeans and get on a bus and go anywhere. I wanted to move, to slip out and not come back. I want to simply go away.
My thoughts turned to Adam, sleeping in his bed, peaceful. I knew I wouldn’t make it without him. I shut the door behind me as I stepped back inside. My feet led me to his bedside and I sat down, Athena looking up at me curiously, her whiskers lightly rubbing against my hand. I wrapped my arms around Adam’s shoulders. Things will be okay.
My brow furrows as I glare at the screen of my laptop.You miss Joelle. Write about her. But I can’t pick a particular memory. I’ve spent the last six, almost seven years with her — how can I pick just one? I keep running through memories of her; of going to the lake and sitting on the dock to talk for hours; shivering in the freezing cold as we ran up the sidewalk to the college; Joelle standing on a stage, belting her heart out and showering the world with tinkling silver notes that angels would envy. Walking the streets of New York with her and Mo; singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and glancing over to see her radiant smile. The shocking amount of gratitude that filled me at the amount of concern she felt when I told her that I might be sick, when I told her about the wreck, when I told her about the little one; the way she’d throw her arms open wide and tilt her head back in the middle of the mall, music soaring from her mouth. The way she has a song for absolutely every possible situation.
Yes. She is my other half.
I just sent her a text: I miss you in amazing amounts. :[
She helps me with boy situations, with work, with school, with life decisions. I just wouldn’t be me without her.
Thanks, lady. ❤
Last night, my ex-boyfriend sent me a message. I ignored it, but I know that I’m still going to feel “off” for a while.TODAY, I REALIZED THE VOICE IN MY HEAD YELLS WHEN I READ ALL-CAPS…and when I yell in my head, it converts to all caps. I bet yours does too. I was at the administration office downtown getting my car registration done. It was because I told a girl that I burned 36% of my body when I was 6. She gasped and said, “OMG, did you live?!” So I thought “DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY “OMG” IN A SENTENCE?!?!” in all caps…and I didn’t burn 36% of my body. She just looked gullible.
Anyway, I went to the admin office downtown and got my vehicle registration done. Then I went to see dad and he took my to get my brakes fixed. Then I almost started crying while talking to mom while we were waiting for the mechanics to finish up with my car.
1.) My math professor failed me, even though I had A’s and B’s. Now I have to message her and find out WHY.
2.) Money’s way too tight. All those hospital bills from that wreck are still waiting to be paid, taxes from when I was an independent contractor, and the remainder of the car that’s still owed from that stupid girl that hit me.
All right before Christmas. My sister was talking about how she’s already gotten everyone’s gifts. I haven’t had enough extra cash to get anyone’s just yet. It’s going to be a crappy Christmas. =P I’m twenty years old. I shouldn’t have to worry about these things.I’m considering:
a.) post-poning the rest of college until everything gets paid off or
b.) joining the Air Force before I finish college in order to get everything paid off.
Whatever. This sucks.
Mom suggested that Adam and I buy a house together. I just looked at what she’s talking about. It’s a really great idea, but I’m still reeling from the suggestion.
That’s it for now. Going back to bed.
I’m happy that Adam’s home.
That being said:
Hey, Adam. I hope you’re doing well. Don’t go out in the rain…it’s easy to get sick in NY. The house doesn’t feel right without you — when it’s just me and Athena. I’m okay with 3, because you’re the other 1/3. You, me, and Athena = 3. Yeah. I’m okay with 3’s. I’m making lemon bars tomorrow. We’ll have them when you get back. Avatar this weekend, okay?
***added 5 minutes later***
Yesterday, Logan, Imah, Andrea and I went to a baroque concert downtown, then to a sushi place in Midtown. So, here's a few photos.
The new GAP commercial is disconcerting and annoying. I hate it.
Also, I love this version of The Kill.
—-I’m currently sitting on the couch with Adam, watching The Daily Show. He leaves tomorrow for a four day trip back to New York with his father. Yes, I’m going to miss him and feel weird without him here. Call me clingy, but that’s how we are. It happens when you live with your best friend.
Today, after I clean up and shower, we’re going to get our first Christmas tree. He leaves tomorrow at 5:30 AM, so I’m hoping that we’ll have a chance to buy the tree, buy ornaments decorate it before he goes to the Christmas party at the firm tonight.
I’ve known Adam for over 1.5 years now. I love him and I have NO idea what I’d do without him. For example, yesterday, I ran over something furry that used to meow. I crushed her hind legs and lower half, along with the bottom half of her front left leg. So I took her to the vet. They called me later and said that it would be best to put her down. Then, Adam took me on a ‘date night.’ We went for dinner and brought a movie to watch at home. He didn’t tease me about being a ‘kitty killer’ (yes, it happened)…just made it better. He’s a wonderful friend. I’d have cried for two weeks straight if he hadn’t been around.
Mushy time. I’m a girl, so I’m allowed.And meet Kat. She’s my other half. I’ve known her five years now. Best five years of my life. We’ve done everything from plan our weddings like we were little girls, cry over guys together, do the most ridiculous things at a moment’s notice just so we could make each other laugh…yup. She’s the goofy side of me that somehow still keeps me grounded. ❤ I mittens you, dearheart.
And, really, you know that someone's your best friend when you plot survival scenarios to counter a mass zombie uprising of varying zombie types. We'd survive. All three of us. I'm so serious.
Cynthia got married. I thought I’d get wedding fever from being in her wedding…well, okay, I had wedding fever for a few days, but now I don’t. Mhmm.
Anyway. Off to obtain a tree.
Last night, Adam and I headed out to Galveston, TX for a week at the beach house with his parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Of course, nothing really goes off without a hitch when it comes to Adam and me. We left Montrose at around 9 PM last night, only to end up with a flat tire and in the middle of scary-ghetto-middle-of-nowhere area somewhere off of 288.We drove for a little while, trying to find somewhere that we could pull into that wasn’t scary and dark. We eventually found a very questionable gas station, but the lights shut off right as we got ready to change the tire. There were a bunch of people meeting in the parking lot there, so I rushed Adam into the driver’s seat and we took off at a shocking 20mph. Zoom-zoom-zoom!
We eventually found another gas station, some guy from the other one came up to us there too, I got a police offer to stick around until our flat was changed, and then we were off. A while later, though, the tire was making terrible sounds…so we pulled into another gas station and I got out and had Adam circle the parking lot so I could see what was wrong with the spare. Turns out that it wasn’t bolted in properly. Heh.Anyway, we eventually made it to the beach house at around 0130 last night. We worked on the traditional yearly Thanksgiving 1k piece puzzle. Matt & Marie (Adam’s brother & his wife) will be coming down for the day, then coming back for the rest of the week on Tuesday. It’ll be a full house.
Look at the pictures. I’m gonna go enjoy the beach. ;]
Last week, my history professor told us that we were going to have show and tell this week. I haven’t done show and tell since…what, first grade? If even then. There were just a few rules, though.1.) It cannot be an animal
2.) If it is considered a weapon, it must not be illegal.
2a.) It doesn’t have to be legal here…it just has to be legal somewhere.
2a explanation.) Why? Because of past show and tells where a college student did something like a whale harpoon that deployed and ended up stuck in the classroom wall — coming out the other side of the wall in another class room, inches from someone’s head. Oh, and that one guy who wanted to teach the class how to make a pipe bomb…by demonstration. The professor simply reminded the student that he’d forgotten the materials in his truck and that it wouldn’t be necessary to open that back-pack he brought to the front of the class. Oh, no, don’t worry kid — you’ve definitely still got an A.
So I brought my dad. Why? Because he’s the most incredibly man in the world. He’s like Superman, but he survived everything without super powers. So, technically, I think he’s better than Superman. Yeah, I said it, Clark Kent! Booyah!
Anyway, my dad came into class and sat in the front row with me while we watched other students bring up their show and tell items. One girl did the worm, showing us that carpet-covered concrete knocks the breath out of you; another girl showed us her diaper wreath for her expecting friend; a guy showed us a hole in his chest that you can pour milk into and eat cereal out of (he uses it to break up with girls)…most interesting class ever.
My father and I stood at the front of the class as I introduced him and passed out photos of the U.S.S. Pensacola that he’d served on while he was in the Marines (he’d spent 4 years in the Marines and 4 years in the Navy). In 1976, the U.S.S. Pensacola left Norfolk and made its way down to the Bermuda Triangle on a mission to carry soldiers to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. The Bermuda Triangle’s high magnetic fields caused permanent damage to soldiers — mentally. There are soldiers who are still in wards due to the paranoia they experienced. They were lost for 3 days, tied to the boat.
Why did they go to Guantanamo Bay? Cuban citizens were rushing the American…something or other. I can’t remember. Anyway, the soldiers were told not to let them in, at all costs. He didn’t talk about this in class, though. He’d told me about it a long time ago when I’d asked him why he had so many nightmares. It was because of standing guard outside and watching men, women, teenagers, children, and toddlers die. He also talked about his training as a tunnel rat in Vietnam.
My dad is awesome. Not just because he was an amazing soldier, but because he’s simply an awesome dad. And I got an A. I’ve also never felt more compelled to go back to training for the Air Force. I almost want to simply join now and finish school while I’m in.
I’ve really never felt more proud to have him as my father.
So the night before last, Logan and I talked until 4:30 AM. About what? Al Gore, of course. But not just anything about Al Gore — no, this was about Al Gore as he really is. Living in an attic. Specifically, my attic.
I told Logan about how my attic sometimes opens on its own without explanation. I’ve tested the springs on the door, the ladder, tried various forces in order to move it down…it would take quite a bit of force to move it, especially with such control, and a shift in pressure doesn’t seem to be a plausible cause.So what does Logan do? Play the comforting male, of course. He tells me that someone is probably living in my attic. And what do I do? Freak out as soon as the old house creaks again. Not only that, my mother and father just bought me a 65″ mirror to put over my dresser. But it’s so large that I can’t put it up on my own, so it’s leaning up against the wall opposite the foot of my bed. I’m not used to it being there, so I naturally flipped out when I saw this figure moving around near the foot of my bed. It took my a minute to realize it was me.
To make things worse, my bedroom door hadn’t closed properly and slowly swung open…so that figure at the foot of my bed leaped up at the same time I did! I panicked, dove across the bed to my door, slammed it shut, then whirled around to face the figure that wasn’t there anymore. Let’s just say that it took me quite a while to relax.
Then we build on Al Gore. It’s not just that Al Gore lives in my attic…he’s also a zombie. Not only that, he’s a zombie clown — no! He’s a zombie mime! Far worse than a clown! And he has hair that’s like straw dipped in french fry grease! And he steals Adam’s boxers and watches him in the shower! This was by far the most disturbing conversation that I’ve ever enjoyed. Yes. Enjoyed. But now I’m scared of my attic.
Now, Logan’s required to come exterminate Al Gore. We also have a list of things he should do/places he should visit. He moved to Houston a year ago in February from Louisiana and still hasn’t done some necessary things.
1.) Remove Al Gore from my attic
2.) Go to Galveston
3.) Go to Galveston’s historic district and ride the trolley
4.) Go to a concert at one of the large venues here
5.) Texas Rodeo
6.) Go to the watch shop
7.) Go bowling
8.) Visit the Museum of Natural Science
9.) Fine Arts Museum
10.) Holocaust Museum. I just added this one on, because I feel it’s necessary.
11.) See Guy Forsyth
12.) Go to the House of Blues
13.) Go to the Improv
Mhmm. It might take a while, but we’ll knock all of those off at some point.
Then, last night, I was falling asleep on the phone…then woke up at 7 AM with the phone still in my hand. When I got to work today, we had the following conversation:
elliebeamarie: i don’t remember the end of our conversation.
elliebeamarie: Good morning, by the way. :]
Logan: Good morning to you too
elliebeamarie: Did you sleep well?
Logan: What do you remember
Logan: Yes, like a baby
elliebeamarie: Rambling, then sleeping.
Logan: Good, because you said some silly stuff hehe. Just kidding
elliebeamarie: Do you remember hanging up?
Logan: I think so. I think you were snoring so I took it you were asleep
Logan: Yup, you should blog it hehe. Oh yeah, you said something about blogging the now 11 places I have to go to, watch store included.
elliebeamarie: Plus Al Gore. I may do it over lunch.
elliebeamarie: …was I really snoring?
Logan: Wasn’t a loud snore though, a cute one.
elliebeamarie: But snoring!
Yes, world, snoring. This is the second person who’s confirmed that I snore. My face flushed red and I wanted my desk to swallow me, because I’m just that ridiculous. Mhmm.
The bad part of my morning so far? My family is getting together (all of us together for once!) for Thanksgiving. My dad just told me that he may have to work on Thanksgiving…and it sent me into a girly fit of tears. Yup. I sunk down in my big rolly chair and wished my desk would swallow me again. Who cries at work? I mean…seriously.
Anyway, I’ve got billing to do.
I moved out when I was 17. I quite honestly never realized how badly I would miss my family until recently — at 20. I mean, sure, I’d occasionally get that nagging feeling and wish that I could talk to one of them, but I didn’t really pay attention to it. Now, I’m working full time, going to school, barely keeping up with the normal daily things, and I rarely get to talk to them, ever. Now my sister has a crush, she’s turning 17, starting college in January…and I really wish that I could figure out a way to spend more time with her. I don’t want to miss out on more than I already have.
So, this Thanksgiving is going to be pretty interesting. I’m going to the beach house with Adam and his family. I’ll be by myself on Saturday and Sunday, since I have class on Sunday, then I’ll stay at the beach house from Sunday night to Tuesday afternoon, when I’ll come back for class…then go back to the beach house so that I can have Thanksgiving with them the next day, then drive back to my parents’ the same day for Thanksgiving dinner with me family, and then go back to the beach house again. It’s going to be eventful…and will kill me on gas.
Anyway. Off to wake up Adam.