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Journal entry #3

I’ve left the apartment three times in the last week and a half, maybe. Once to Jamie and Tim’s house to create characters for a new campaign *pushes glasses up nose*, and the other two times were probably something small; I don’t remember exactly what. My world currently consists of what’s contained inside of this 900 […]

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I won’t quit

I stumble across the neverending desert, sand filling my shoes and rubbing skin from my ankles. Sunlight and heat glare and roast my tired body, and I continue to stumble forward, frustrated and angry. I’m just as aware of my unlikely survival as I am of the maggots wriggling while they eating away the pia mater covering […]

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Journal entry #1

I wake rather late, but cheerful nonetheless. I don’t feel entirely cheerful; it’s a chilly, rainy morning and I know that I might get low if I don’t urge myself not to. I wobble into the kitchen. Make tea. Start the monotonous routine I’ve come to know since the “lows” made their appearance known a […]

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:)

Vertigo is kicking my butt today. I’m unable to turn my head and less I do it slowly, lest I want the sudden, overwhelming dizziness to attack. It doesn’t help that I’ve been instructed by one of my doctors to reduce a medication that has a side effect of vertigo, blurred vision and nausea during […]

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-364 days

1 year ago – Monday, May 16 2016 I waited, excited and nervous. Tomorrow. A burr hole will expose the surface of my brain for the very first time… tomorrow. Less than 24 hours. I don’t remember what I did that morning, or the days leading up to it. I know that I watched videos […]

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The Quitter

Just have one more try. It’s dead easy to die, It’s the living on that’s hard. “The Quitter” by Robert Williams Service

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Wheels

I wake sometime between 5 and 6, as usual. Get up, tell Alexa to turn on the bedroom lights. Pad into the washroom. I’m extra wobbly in the morning so I have Alexa turn on the kitchen lights while I grasp the counter and carefully step my way to the corner where my morning dose of Sertraline (the generic of Zoloft, for […]

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Better Than New 

After my last post, my friend, Elizabeth, wrote this to me: ‘Ellie if you are feeling broken, please remember the Japanese process of Kintsugi. Pottery that is broken is repaired with gold. It highlights that the mended repair is beautiful. It emphasizes  beauty in the imperfect. Perfection  is overrated. Your brain is wonderful just the […]

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Remembering Grace, again 

8 years, 1 day, 8 hours ago (February 13, 2009, 01:something AM) I’m days from my 20th birthday and I have something that needs to be said before I lose the nerve to say it again. The way he forced me, then acted like he gave a damn when he found out about my baby […]

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Lower 

I have days when things get bad. When too much sensory input collides with my still-healing and forever-damaged brain. I hate these – those – days. I don’t hate it during them, though; I don’t anything them because I don’t feel anything about anything on those days; it’s peaceful, quiet, to feel nothing other than […]

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