Archives

The Quitter

Just have one more try. It’s dead easy to die, It’s the living on that’s hard. “The Quitter” by Robert Williams Service

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Wheels

I wake sometime between 5 and 6, as usual. Get up, tell Alexa to turn on the bedroom lights. Pad into the washroom. I’m extra wobbly in the morning so I have Alexa turn on the kitchen lights while I grasp the counter and carefully step my way to the corner where my morning dose of Sertraline (the generic of Zoloft, for […]

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Better Than New 

After my last post, my friend, Elizabeth, wrote this to me: ‘Ellie if you are feeling broken, please remember the Japanese process of Kintsugi. Pottery that is broken is repaired with gold. It highlights that the mended repair is beautiful. It emphasizes  beauty in the imperfect. Perfection  is overrated. Your brain is wonderful just the […]

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Quiet

I have come to find that one of the biggest feelings you can feel is that of a hollow, empty, reckless emotion that evades any possible reason or cause. It whips you around at times, completely unexpectedly, striking you from the edges like a car nicking your side and sending you reeling into some utter […]

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Milestone 

Today I brushed my teeth with my stroke-affected, hemiparetic hand.  3 years later and it’s still the little things that make me happy. 

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Remembering Grace, again 

8 years, 1 day, 8 hours ago (February 13, 2009, 01:something AM) I’m days from my 20th birthday and I have something that needs to be said before I lose the nerve to say it again. The way he forced me, then acted like he gave a damn when he found out about my baby […]

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Lower 

I have days when things get bad. When too much sensory input collides with my still-healing and forever-damaged brain. I hate these – those – days. I don’t hate it during them, though; I don’t anything them because I don’t feel anything about anything on those days; it’s peaceful, quiet, to feel nothing other than […]

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When hope is not enough

Action and reaction, cause and effect, dendritic output and neuronal necrosis – what, and to what effect? My body doesn’t obey, though it wants to. It has to want to. I need it to want to.  It doesn’t obey but that doesn’t matter anyway. Because I wasn’t born with it and didn’t inherit it, so […]

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Well, that was sort of an earthquake…

It was a little before 11 in the morning and I’d already up hours. I flopped down onto the couch after my final set of squats. Pulling out my phone, I scrolled through my Facebook feed for a few minutes after finishing my morning workout. Time to catch a breather before eating my second meal […]

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Seizures suck.

A very quick recap of yesterday: I began having seizures just before 11am CT yesterday. I don’t remember much and was pretty confused for a while. Anyway, I’m home now and am getting scheduled for tests this week. Jeffrey’s DBS surgery is early tomorrow morning; I’m hoping that I can still go to that.  The […]

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