surgery | It's never been better

#sorrynotsorry

Posted on July 28, 2019 Leave a Comment

Our Father Who art in heaven Seriously? What the actual fuck. Sincerely, Tired-and-so-done-with-being-a-patient/room-number

We have no control over it, but what we do have control over is whether we can be proud of our own lives. I mean, that’s something we have complete say over – it’s kind of hard to even describe – I think I’m just as confused as everyone else on how to make our lives a piece of art, but I think that’s part of the joy – simply trying.

I can stand up here and genuinely tell you that I am genuinely proud of my life…

Misremembering is better than forgetting

Posted on February 11, 2018 Leave a Comment

Remembering Grace, again. And again. This year, I thought it would be 9 years within the hour. Nope. It’ll be 9 years in 48 hours and 38 minutes. Memory difficulties suck. She’d be 8 this July. There’s too much to write. I’ll sleep on it. Thinking of you, Gracie. Always am. ❤

New batteries make my brain go ’round

Posted on January 26, 2018 Leave a Comment

I squealed after setting my cell phone on the kitchen counter and excitedly bounced on my toes – while holding onto the counter, of course – for a moment, then turned to place my medicine bottles back in the cupboard above my head. It must seen strange, my looking forward to another surgery. Let me […]

Journal entry #1

Posted on December 7, 2017 Leave a Comment

I wake rather late, but cheerful nonetheless. I don’t feel entirely cheerful; it’s a chilly, rainy morning and I know that I might get low if I don’t urge myself not to. I wobble into the kitchen. Make tea. Start the monotonous routine I’ve come to know since the “lows” made their appearance known a […]

-364 days

Posted on May 16, 2017 Leave a Comment

1 year ago – Monday, May 16 2016 I waited, excited and nervous. Tomorrow. A burr hole will expose the surface of my brain for the very first time… tomorrow. Less than 24 hours. I don’t remember what I did that morning, or the days leading up to it. I know that I watched videos […]

The Quitter

Posted on May 10, 2017 Leave a Comment

Just have one more try. It’s dead easy to die, It’s the living on that’s hard. “The Quitter” by Robert Williams Service

Better Than New

Posted on March 31, 2017 Leave a Comment

After my last post, my friend, Elizabeth, wrote this to me: ‘Ellie if you are feeling broken, please remember the Japanese process of Kintsugi. Pottery that is broken is repaired with gold. It highlights that the mended repair is beautiful. It emphasizes beauty in the imperfect. Perfection is overrated. Your brain is wonderful just the […]

Seizures suck.

Posted on September 12, 2016 1 Comment

A very quick recap of yesterday: I began having seizures just before 11am CT yesterday. I don’t remember much and was pretty confused for a while. Anyway, I’m home now and am getting scheduled for tests this week. Jeffrey’s DBS surgery is early tomorrow morning; I’m hoping that I can still go to that. The […]